Which Is Me?

“That’s the difference,”
You say, “between you and I.
“You say, ‘you and me.'”

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Giant Orange Moose

Giant Orange Moose
There is a giant, orange moose.
I’ll even set the comma loose:
A giant orange moose exists,
The giant of the o-moose lists.
A giant orange moose is there
Near Madison, Wisconsin, where
The moose looms orangely beside
The highway where moose-watchers ride.
I’ve seen the orange moose, and felt
The glow of its unearthly pelt
Illuminate the part of me
That few non-ungulates can see.
On me in re this, be reliant:
There’s an orange moose that’s giant.

Going Too

I’m going to work on Phrasal Future Tense.
You’re going to be proud. I’m going to shine.
The animal is going to hop the fence.
The cookie that you’re going to eat is mine.
I’m going to forget this lesson soon.
I’m going to have to learn it all again.
It’s going to the dark side of the moon.
The animal is going to leave the pen.
The cookie on the plate is going stale.
It’s going to be brittle, hard and dry.
The animal’s escape is going to fail.
The animal and I are going to die.
The cookie–mine–is going to taste good.
You’re going to share it with me.
Well, you should.

Gerunderwhelming

The English gerund ends in -ing
But all of them aren’t counting: sing,
For instance, isn’t gerund stuff
‘Cause i-n-g is not enough
All by its threesome to transform
A verb to noun. You’re getting warm
If you conceive of warming as
A thing that is, that someone has,
Instead of something taking place
In front of our collective face.
That verbs transformed to nouns with -ings
Are candidates for gerunding’s
A grammar fact not worth debating.
Am I caring? Nope, still waiting.

Stupid Flanders

I used to think I liked the Dutch.
For one thing, what’s to hate? Not much.
And even if you wanted to,
There’s no such place as Dutchland. Who
Came up with that? It’s brilliant!
It’s too confusing to resent
A country where the name depends
On whimsy. “What, the Netherlands?
No, this is Holland. Wait, don’t go!
The former Frisian Kingdom? No?
Perhaps the Low Countries will suit?
Or Flanders?”
Oh, who gives a hoot?
This jolly polynymity
Appealed to the absurd in me.
What turned me, then, against the nation?
Nothing…but their punctuation!
In particular, the way
A noun that ends in single “A,”
“I,” “O” or “U”–the Traitor Vowels–
Pluralizes twists my bowels.
“E,” we’re cool. But all the rest,
You’ve failed a fundamental test
Of grammar righteousness: In whose
Mad bistro are there two menu’s?!
Interrobang, support me here:
How dare apostrophes appear
To indicate a simple plural?
Howdy slang witch nod infer all
Cat hiss tropic lee wince hutch
A thinking bee? Galled ham ewe Dutch.