The Ostrich

Ostriches have giant eyes
And scaly legs with bony thighs
And fluffy wings (they’re just for show).
What they don’t have is head-holes, though.
When ostriches feel put-upon
They don’t believe you’ll think they’ve gone
Because their heads are ducked in dust.
That’s just a myth; you shouldn’t trust
What cartoon tropes purport to teach.
Whilst doing headstands on the beach
They’re quite aware they’re still in view
Despite the fact they can’t see you.
A ten-foot bird is panicked? Please.
It’s probably just lost its keys,
‘Cause ostriches don’t fly, they drive,
So they need car keys to survive
In Charles Darwin’s Fitness Pit.
And if that sounds a teensy bit
Far-fetched, it’s still much less absurd
Than terror from a ten-foot bird.


Early Daze

A week into the brand new year
I don’t yet know what I should fear
The most: That things don’t live up to
What I expect, or that they do.
The way the first week greeted us
Was fiery and furious,
And that’s okay, but 51
More weeks like that might be less fun.
Will we survive the entropy
To which all systems tend? We’ll see.
One thing’s for sure: When 45’s
The guy in charge, then chaos thrives.


There’s something small and brown and wet
I’ve not identified as yet
Behind the curtain in the shower
It’s been there at least an hour
While there’s nothing I can prove
I swear I saw the sucker move
When I came in and first sat down
I ran the tub to make it drown
But couldn’t reach to plug the drain
And now I’m stuck–I can’t explain
Except to say my cheeks are red
And both my upper thighs are dead
I’ll hide here till it’s safe to go
I wish I’d brought a sandwich though

Technically, It Rhymes With “Voice”

When Theodor Geisel ein klein Junge was,
His family was put out of business because
They were German-Americans back when the Kaiser
Was acting belligerent and some adviser
Thought naturalized citizens couldn’t be trusted;
Besides, they made beer! They were doubly busted
By moral reform when Amendment Eighteen
Came along shortly after the war. As we’ve seen,
The great German Insurgency never arrived
And the Geisels? They made it. They may not have thrived
As they’d hoped, but young Teddy found writing was useful
For making ends meet. That’s why we’re Dr. Seussful.

American Exceptionalism

They taught us that it couldn’t happen here.
Americans are different, better than
Those other, foreign people. Now it’s clear
That fear and hate are All-American.
Our friends and neighbors are the same today
As when we tried to go to sleep last night,
So in the long run, we’ll all be okay.
I trust that most of us will do what’s right.
We won’t give in to, nor luxuriate
In all the –isms we were taught we’re not,
The roots of which are race and sex and hate,
Against which, we were told, we’ve always fought
Because Americans don’t think like that.
Except…our President’s a spoiled brat.