Critical Mice

There’s probably a ratio
Of snakes to mice that would ensure
The mice could breed enough to feed
The snakes and — critically — no more.
I’d guess, but my track record’s poor
With pets. And what to feed the mice?
Not cheese (like I could spare a slice)!
If they’d eat snakeskin, that’d be nice;
If not, the snakes might have to go,
And then the mouse bowl’d overflow
And I’d be ankle-deep in needy
Rodents. Quandary indeed.


Late Night Snack

i close my eyes to concentrate
on cattle but an altered state
comes over me

is this a dream? no, that can’t be
internal inconsistency
is lacking

quacking spider lizards tracking
nasdaq want financial backing
but in cheese

which normally i’d have but jeez
it’s hotter every time i sneeze
my money’s runny

queso melting in the sunny
school just struck my tummy funny
as i ate

skip me
no more snacking
i’m up too late

Animal Byproducts

Shearing sheep? We’ll go one better:
Squeeze a worm to make a sweater!
Who’s the genius who decided
Hey, that worm’s got silk inside it!
Let’s make
negligees with that!
Also, sheets and grandpa’s hat.

Human creativity’s
Astonishing: We’re eating cheese
That’s moldy milk from some cow’s udder!
(If there isn’t mold, it’s butter.)
Feeling peckish? Grab your pet
And squeeze, then tell me what you get.
If you’re lucky, you can make
An outfit and perhaps a steak
Or side dish; if you’re not, don’t pout,
The doc can buff those scratches out.
My calico won’t trust me, now.
(I’m asking Santa for a cow.)

Cape Goat

Lost Horizon plays
Briefly, then shuts off
Mendocino fog
Shrouds the fire sign

Mist envelopes the
Retro theater
Where the patrons wait
For the lighting guy
Or someone like him


A side effect of loving cheese
Is turophiliac disease
From which your hope of getting well
Proports inversely to your smell
Since only truly funky odor
Motivates the casual voter
Who from loud complaint might shrink
Were you diffusing paler stink.
“If no one’s moaning, what the heck,
Let’s go to town on Pont l’Eveque,”

You might decide in absence of
The social forces named above.
Those happy hermits know the score:
The friendless binge on Roquefort!
If you ride public buses, though,
Please keep away from Brie de Meaux.
Treat gently with your neighbor’s nose, and
Think about the cheese you’ve chosen;
Please, ensure that no one’s there
Before you cut that Camembert
De Normandy or Stilton (Blue).
Confused? Defensive? Get a clue:
Lest turophilia be beaten
Out of you, watch what you’re eatin’.