To market, to market,
Support local biz!
I’d like a fat hog, please.
Oh, jiggety whiz!
Not even a skinny pig?
Plum buns? Come on!
Home again, home again.
Animals don’t celebrate
Their gratefulness with piled plate;
It takes a human’s attitude
To masticate our gratitude.
Perhaps if beasts had furniture
On which to eat, which pieces were
Then turned, they’d make a ritual
Of thanking till their belly’s full,
But, lacking tables, they don’t need ’em.
Which makes it okay to eat ’em.
Quick! Think of the day
For which you are most thankful.
Wrong! It was Thursday.
Cats should not fly kites
Mostly because when they try
The kites fly the cats
It’s tiny and quiet and clad in soft fur
On the floor by the door where the crumble crumbs were
That I’d meant to sweep up once the guests had good-nighted…
Tonight we try out the new traps! I’m excited!
Mine is the genius
Behind both the platypus
And the Trump White House
The platypus isn’t what one would expect
From an animal; if you guessed wrong, you’re correct!
It’s an egg-laying mammal that’s semi-aquatic
With venomous bonespurs and lips so exotic
That millions of selfie-stick poseurs pretend
To pout like it. Plus, platys are flat at each end
In exactly the way live opossums are not,
And they’re also electric! (I almost forgot.)
Ornithorhynchus anatinus is
Every wrong response on an anatomy quiz
Jumbled up and sewn into a beaver-shaped sack
Like a Frankenstein’s monster (if Doc were on crack).
If you’re forced to refer to a plural of these
You should know that they’re properly platypodes
And not platypi (which is my preference). Too tough
To remember? Forget it. One’s more than enough!