Three Reasons I Was Never Awarded An English Degree

Harper Lee taught me
All it takes is one good arm.
Smash your chifferobe!

Fitzgerald opined
Wealth is meaningless unless
One knows how to row.

Mammals, Melville taught,
Are superior because
Fish can’t hold a grudge.


I have two thumbs. I’m glad I do.
I like my other fingers, too,
But thumbs are dactyl underdogs.
Pointers? Middles? Glory hogs.
The ring’s okay, the pinkie, sure,
But I still like ol’ Thumbkin more.

While fingers type, the thumb makes space.
It’s hardly ever in your face
The way a jabbing index is
When someone’s all up in your biz,
And when you just can’t zip your lip
Your thumb’s what lets you get a grip.

When Romans in the Coliseum
Saw thumbs-up, you’d want to be ’em;
Theirs might slip inside their mouth,
However, when they saw thumbs-south.
Who’s got two thumbs and likes ’em fine?
This guy! (And I’ve got plums on mine!)