Stereotypes Are Hurtful

A square-rigged ship with angry eyes
Has anchored in your yard. Surprise!
Drop the blunderbuss–don’t fire. It
Rarely pays to fight a pirate.
How they found you, where they’re from
They’ll tell you over mugs o’ rum
While dancing on a dead man’s sternum.
All those pirate words? Unlearn ’em:
They don’t really talk like that.
Stuff that skull-and-cross-bone hat
Inside your blazer’s eye-patch pocket.
That’s a pirate boat–don’t rock it!
Also, best avoid that plank.
(Most of those who didn’t, sank.)
Modern pirates can be cool!
No aarrr’s, though. That’s the only rule
A pirate never, ever bends.
Go Q to S, and you’ll be friends.
(You also might steer clear of X’s.)
Buccaneers are at the nexus
Of old-school and cutting-edge
Like Taylor Swift with Sister Sledge
Performing ragtime tunes on lutes
With sidearm swords and awesome boots.
Enjoy your new seafaring buds!
Just try to wear your normal duds.


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