Race To The Bottom

Listen, all you cats and rabbits,
Time to start collecting habits
You can break on New Year’s Day!
If you’re perfect, that’s okay,
You’ve still got some December left
To give your darker side some heft
By picking up a tendency
Or substantive dependency
So horrible the one solution
Is a total revolution
Of your bad behavior through
A resolution, spanking new
And shiny for the coming annum.
Free your demons, friends, then can ’em
Up again in three short weeks!
(But don’t reuse that lid–it leaks.)
Give yourself some grief, and then
Next month, reverse that leaf again!
The public loves a comeback story.
Let ’em have it! Give a gory,
Gross and antisocial tic
A venue in you; when you kick
It to the curb on New Year’s Day,
Your kith and kin will say hooray!
But credit only comes to those
Who overcome, so don’t suppose
You’ll earn those January cheers
If no December sin appears
In time for you to rise above it.
Do it! Trust me. Folks’ll love it.
Smudge that shiny angel face
So you’ll have something to erase
Beginning New Year’s morning. Go!
(Try not to like it too much, though.)


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