The end, I’m glad to say, is nigh.
We’ll bid this baleful year goodbye
Tomorrow midnight, not a minute
Sooner than we should have. When it
Started, all we had to fear
Was typical election-year
Insanity (or so we thought).
These past twelve months have surely taught
Us that reality surpasses
All the wildest, from-our-asses-
Pulled, dystopic fever dreams
That we could conjure. If it seems
Two thousand sixteen can’t be topped
For awfulness, and that we’ve stopped
Exsanguinating, don’t forget
Herr Trump’s not in the White House yet.
’16 sucked, but here we stand!
Let’s hope that next year goes as planned.

Bird Hat

I have a hat that’s overrun
With birds, which sounds like lots of fun
Unless you have a phobia
Of screaming birds all over ya’,
In which case this is not the topper
For which you should opt: Show-stopper.
If you’d like to try it, though,
And don’t mind bird-poo, Go, Dog, Go!
“I like that hat,” Boy Dog will cry,
“I like that birdy hat!” Though why
Girl Dog should care a flipping whit
About what he thinks, I don’t git.
My point, non-P.D. Eastman nerds,
Is this: I’ve got a hat with birds.

Holiday Ritual

Do a thing one time, or two,
It’s something that you sometimes do
(Or did) and may not do again.
It’s lifted to tradition when
The doing’s done to consecrate
An action, milestone or date
And, henceforth, if the thing’s not done
The celebration’s much less fun
And one can’t help but heave a sigh
Of disappointment, which is why,
Like last year and the ten before, we
Plop and watch A Christmas Story,
Sated on take-out Chinese.
Pass your fake teeth forward, please.

The Year That Shall Not Be Named

Like an inverse Endless Summer
Twin Tea Six-String’s been a bummer
Pretty much from front to back
And yet, there hasn’t been a lack
Of high points in amongst the low.
Like what, you ask? Well, did you know…

…that Siri earned her B.F.A.
In June, plus also a B.A.?

The A’s are both for Arts, of course:
Photography’s the less-Fine source,
While Theatre Direction claims
The longer of the two B names.

…that Iain won an Emmy? True!
For Tumble Leaf in Season Two
Or maybe Three; it’s hard to tell.
The point is, he’s still doing well
At work. (Let’s just finesse the frown
And skip the fact his house burned down.)

…that Iain moved in February?
Gas-free Porter Ranch is where he
Landed with his roommates post-
Pacoima; there he played the host
To Siri when she moved out west
To put her twin A’s to the test.

…that Kari hit the open road
With Siri (and a heavy load
Of household goods)?
They drove their car
From IL through IN, KY, TN and AR,
Through Tex., New Mex. (loved Santa Fe),
Then Casa Grande (don’t say the “ay”).

…that Siri made a post-grad sweep
Through Europe?
She arranged to sleep
And stay with cousins everywhere:
Britain? Norway? France? They’re there!
She’s happy to reciprocate;
You L.A.-bound kin, name the date!

…that Michael channeled Lennie Small
From mid-July through early fall?

Big, dumb and dangerous, that’s him!
And though the show was rather grim
His English-major self was thrilled!
(Plus, Lennie’s clueless that he’s killed.)

Now everybody’s back at work,
Not sure what new adventures lurk
Around the bend in ’17.
For sure the coming year will mean
Attention to our liberty,
On which, at least, we all agree.

But let’s not let external forces
Throw us off our happy horses!
(Or glad reindeer, if you’d rather
Keep it seasonal.) Let’s gather
Hope in heaps and greet each shove
From fear and hate with laughs and love!
Happy Holidays*, dear friends!

*Assuming Chimp Tease Instinct ends.