Depth Perception

My depth perception gives me pride.
The orbs I’ve placed on either side
Of my proboscis aren’t decor
Alone; they’re that, plus so much more!
Say, is that panther drawing nearer?
Sir, the anther can’t be clearer:
You should turn and run like hell!
You’re lucky I perceive so well
The relative proximity
Of objects in the space near me!
Think so? No, I don’t think, I know.
I’m scoping them in stereo!
Then surely you’ll have noticed that
You’re closer to that giant cat
Than I…or are you? Darn this patch!
Oh, dear. I’ve died of panther scratch.

Fashionistas play with fire. It’s
Always been the bane of pirates:
Sure, an eye patch may look dashing
But you’re bound to take a thrashing
Or at least acquire a scar
If choosing whether near or far
More accurately indicates
That thing defeating your shipmates
Comes down to chance or random guess.
Depth, well-perceived, though, spells success!
Any meaningful resistance
To a threat depends on distance:
Cannon? Pistol? Hand-to-hand?
Quite different tactics. Understand?
Hey, where’d you go? Oh, right. You’re dead.
Oh, well. At least the cat’s been fed.

Reasonable Catsimile

I know it’s nothing personal
But rather rainy weather that
Ensures my khakied lap is full
Of slumbering, softly-rumbling cat.
I know that when the Fahrenheit
Increases, puss will come to shove
But she’s my comforter tonight.
For felines, that’s akin to love.

Guess What?

Place a piece of paper where
My cat can reach it…BAM! She’s there.
It’s not a literary jones
She’s feeding, ‘less her sitting bones
Support a pair (or more) of eyes
Embedded in her hairy thighs,
And anyway, the page may be
Unwritten on; no matter, she
Will find a pressing reason for
Her presence on the paper. Or
She won’t. Remember, she’s a cat.
She’s whimsical. They’re all like that.
(It’s hard to tell ’cause cats don’t smirk;
The Cheshire does, but he’s a jerk.)
The bottom line is, if her bottom’s
Leaving lines, the paper’s got ’em.
She’s so pushy with her pooter,
I compose on my computer
Or my phone in self-defense.
(Plus, nothing rhymes with cat-butt prints.)