Tuesday!

Hooray! It’s Tuesday! Yippee! Whee!
Get up and go to work with me!
Well, not my work; my job is fun!
You’ll have to choose another one.
Come on, wake up! Get out of bed!
The world awaits, you sleepyhead!
Just think of all the things we’ll see
At work together, you and me!
Well, not with-with me. As I said,
My job is mine; use yours instead.
You love your job, you know you do.
Your fellow jobfolk love it, too!
That’s why, right now, all over town
With glee they’re throwing covers down
And shouting as they hit the floor,
“Huzzah! It’s time for work once more!”
“How come?” you ask with sleepy eye.
‘Cause that’s where they see you, is why!
Don’t leave them hanging! You’re their friend!
You’re why they cry when Mondays end!
You know they’re lost, distressed, distraught
They toss and turn upon the cot
From Monday night ’til Tuesday dawn.
And, look, that’s now! Get up! Come on!
You know you want to, deep inside!
No…? Anyway, I need a ride.

You Know Who You Are

Dear [Name of Couple],
It appears
You’ve made it twenty-[mumble] years!
What’s it been, like, twenty-four?
It’s hard to keep track, anymore.
This poem’s either slightly tardy
Or too soon…for next year’s party!
Seems like yesterday you wed.
Back then, of course, the cards all read,
“Congratulations!” “Best of Luck!”
“We hope your Special Day won’t suck!”
A dozen hundred hump-days* hence,
Though passions may be less intense
From day to day than once they were,
Undoubtedly you’ll both concur
Your underlying love has grown
And each new week has surely shown
The truth of what you’ve long believed:
The burden’s least that’s jointly heaved.
(With joy, the opposite is true:
When shared, it’s more than joy times two.)
And further–Listen to me drone!
You lovebirds want to be alone!
We’ll let you celebrate your day…
But here’s the thing we wrote to say:
Happy Anniversary
To both of you from both of we!

*That’s slang for “Wednesday”; don’t get mad.
I’m crude, but not a total cad!