The Tansy Verses: No. 11

It’s not my fault! You can’t blame me.
They love me on D.C. TV.
Okay, I aced the Nielsen test,
Which said midwestern babes are best
For mid-Atlantic weathercasters.
Who am I to spite the masters?
They insist they need me, so
I’m moving east! I’ll miss you, though.
Here’s one last forecast, just for you:
A long, cold, dry spell. Toodle-oo!

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The Tansy Verses: No. 10

Hey, Birthday Boy! You want a pony?
Know what’s better? Macaroni!
I’d composed a birthday ballad
For you, then I saw this salad!
Gallon tubs of elbowed joy!
Who’s a happy Birthday Boy?
Celery and mayonnaise
With tiny bits of crunchy peppers
Always earns the sort of praise
That Jesus heard from hopeful lepers
And that Nixon’s Cuban crew
Did not receive…and all for you!
Macaroni salad? Gee,
You hit the jackpot, dating me!
What, were you expecting sex?
Too bad. I don’t do architects.
But twisty tubes of processed wheat
With mayo? That’s your birthday treat!

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Videlicet

Exciting times are nigh, I think.
I feel as though we’re on the brink
Of something so profound, so great,
So monumental that to wait
So much as one day longer would
Be…what’s the opposite of good?
It’s time we take the next step, viz.,
Someone tell me what it is.

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The Tansy Verses: No. 9

Happy Birthday!
8 + 10
Plus 6 + 5
Plus 2 + 3
Makes 34!
Is it a sin
You’ve shown your
Flowered shorts to me?
I’ve placed a lot of
Books on shelves
In your apartment;
Weirdly, none
Address how we’ve
Debased ourselves
In God’s eyes.
Huh.
But we’ve had fun!

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The Tansy Verses: No. 8

Petunia Pig and Luke of Tatooine
Have chemistry–perhaps a porcine Force–
To guide their love, but when we play the scene
As just ourselves, our tongues get tied, of course.
Ma Kettle was a character Ms. Main
Portrayed onscreen; was Marjorie in fact
That full of gumption, or had she been trained
To act as if she had the traits she lacked?
I pray that it’s the latter, so there’s hope
That you will someday learn to stand up straight
And look me in the eyes (they’re blue, you dope)
And tell me how you feel. Till then, we wait.
I love you, but you’re moving like a snail.
(But just in case, I kept the curly tail.)

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The Tansy Verses: No. 7

The 500th time you proclaimed, “It’s a trap!” it all
Came into focus: In our nation’s capital
Starting next week, I won’t have to look back far
To find what I won’t miss: Your Admiral Ackbar!

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The Tansy Verses: No. 6

No one knows what fun goes on–
Our games of Cavegirl/Mastodon
Or Inuit & Polar Bear–
But I’m so glad you chose to share
Your fantasy. What you confessed
Means we can now play fully dressed!
Quick, let’s get to Conehead flirtin’!
You be Aykroyd, I’ll be Curtin:
Touch your head to mine. Now! Please?
Then, we’ll consume mass quantities….

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